Bankrupt Coked Up And Fxxked Up

I thought I would share with you all just how much freaking fun, social events are when your in a relationship with someone who has an anti social personality disorder, well I suppose the word antisocial is a bit of a give away "looool" I mean it was bad enough with my last partner who would ruin every birthday every Christmas, and any other celebration you dared to partake in, I once asked Agent of Chaos why he did so! and he said to me "well my father ruined all our social events".. "well, fookface all the more reason for you not too" some people are too far gone though! there ain't no saving them, is there? So as it goes Christmas was fast approaching and Captain Cunto, I mean Captain Creepy informed me that he had to work! And guess what I breathed a sigh of relief, he was not going to be here whoop! fooking! woop! the vibration had just lifted, so I invited my mum and my daughter and her boyfriend, and Captain C invited his father...

Now,  I know a lot of people reading this would be running for the hills round about now, but remember I was used to this! I was used to chaos and high conflict nutters,as I had just done a 20 stretch with the last one so I guess it was going to take a lot to phase me! as all my senses were relatively numb! Well between that and the substances I was taking so that I could function properly, and No I am not condoning, drink or drug abuse but none of us are perfect as it's not a perfect world, and we all have our coping mechanisms, I guess! Any hoo! Captain C had come home for a few weeks from his trip away, and as I said the first thing he did was build that post! and of course he never ate for the first few days so I decided to make him a roast dinner for the up and coming weekend OMG he threw it the bin! who the fook does that! And no it was not because my cooking was rank that I know, because I went to college for cookery and had run various culinary businesses in the past,...

As you can Imagine I was kept busy cleaning, and cleaning, and cleaning his non too clean home. All my furniture was white and really expensive that I had taken with me from my house move, which was just as well, because most of his things were fit for the bin, he had this awful  and I mean, awful wood burning stove thing in his house, that covered everything in soot, fooking nightmare! but the worst thing was, most of the time he never had anything to burn on the damn thing so the place was always freezing, it was like going back in time almost like living in a mud hut, no wonder his wife of 20 years up and left him! To be honest I think it was not long after he ripped out all the central heating and installed that freaking fire that she did leave him, It was probably the final nail, so his father told me! Mind you that was not all the father told me, he also mentioned that towards the end of Captain C's marriage his wife had to get a restraining order against him for violence ...

So I did the deed and moved in with him, yeah it was a cold day in hell, that's why I took to drinking, because it helped to anaesthetise me, and of course some cocaine to ease all the pain! lets just say living in my man made prison was almost bearable with the help if these substances,cause lets be honest, It was just another descent into hell but with a different Devil.. Talking about different Devils you know just before I left my family home, or should I say was  thrown out of my family home the repo man turned up to repossess, my Range Rover, I told you I didn't own anything, and because Agent of chaos did not want me to possibly have access to anything he made sure everything was on HP ironic isn't it when your a multi millionaire!  The lengths he went to so that he could control me! and yet people were stealing from him all the time, on a huge fooking scale, and I'm talking thousands, and here he was more concerned with controlling little old me! I guess tha...

#Triangulation, is where your Narc/Sociopath,will create an aura of desirability, of being wanted by the opposite sex, be it friends, former lovers and your eventual replacement,"what took you so fooking long, ha!" And of course you want to be the preferred object of their attention so, this sees you trying to win them away from their crowd of admirers, thing is there really is no fooking admirers just a trial of destruction in their wake, and it is all a ploy to raise their perceived value! #Delusional When Captain C first got together with me, he himself was fresh out of a relationship, in fact he was engaged to be married, and no I did not pursue him, he was advertising himself as available on a dating website. I think it was about 6 weeks in and boom! history repeating itself, he pops the question "I would like to marry you" of course I was a little flattered, who wouldn't be!,but when I look back it was about 6 weeks in when Agent of Chaos popped th...

"Come in he said I'll give you shelter from the storm, because living with me is nothing but the norm!" Now I know I  said I was bankrupt and that was the truth, but I still had some really expensive jewellery, which I could've sold and paid for a deposit on a rental property, oh! yeah I'm a twice fooking Bankrupt no one in their right mind is going to rent me a property are they! because, I'm a pariah, a social outcast and  they do credit checks on you and want references! Can you see the predicament I was in? I think they call it checkmate, I was fooked! but, looking back with hindsight, I would've managed I could've gone to my local council and asked them for help!, but do you know what! I was actually ashamed! because I had lived in this huge home, yeah I know my name was never on the property, because that's how sociopaths roll, more power to them!, in fact my name was not on anything be it the car or the bank account I pretty much did not ...

 BANKRUPT COKED UP & FUCKED UP Is actually the title of my book  I had published, you see I  was married to a sociopath for over 20 years, what I did not endure, at his hands was not worth mentioning, I'm not here for a fooking pity party though, that ship has sailed, and sunk ha! there is no point wallowing in self pity that just means they have won then doesn't it? No you have go to put your big girl pants on, and get the fook on with it! Now saying that is one thing, doing it is another, because no sooner had I managed to free myself from the man who emotionally and financially bankrupt me, I was being lured into another toxic relationship, you've all seen Dirty John have you not? for those who have not, it's about a woman who meets a narcissistic sociopath on line, she briefly dates him, and before she knows it she has married him in a rather hasty marriage in Vegas! well in keeping with the story, I meet this guy on line, date him and marry him in hasty marria...