BANKRUPT COKED UP & FUCKED UP Is actually the title of my book I had published, you see I was married to a sociopath for over 20 years, what I did not endure, at his hands was not worth mentioning, I'm not here for a fooking pity party though, that ship has sailed, and sunk ha! there is no point wallowing in self pity that just means they have won then doesn't it? No you have go to put your big girl pants on, and get the fook on with it!
Now saying that is one thing, doing it is another, because no sooner had I managed to free myself from the man who emotionally and financially bankrupt me, I was being lured into another toxic relationship, you've all seen Dirty John have you not? for those who have not, it's about a woman who meets a narcissistic sociopath on line, she briefly dates him, and before she knows it she has married him in a rather hasty marriage in Vegas! well in keeping with the story, I meet this guy on line, date him and marry him in hasty marriage in Vegas, I know, you couldn't fooking make this shit up, could you?
Well I can assure you none of its made up that's why it's such good reading!
So as I said I meet this man, let's call him ha! well, there is a lot of things I could call him! but I'll keep it relatively simple, he's, Captain Creepy!, and if you saw him you'd know why! and If you have read my book, well you will know my first husband's title was Agent of Chaos, and because I was with him for many many years, anyone that knows about the human mind/ psychology, and sociopaths, will know, that, I was completely indoctrinated, and chaos was all I knew, it was indeed my best friend and if I did not have any, well sure as shit I would find me some, or it would find me! because I was addicted to fooking chaos yes it was my drug! and what is it they say you always gravitate to what appears normal to you! and to me Captain Creepy was pretty normal!! fuck it pains me to write this, because I have had shit loads of therapy now, and am relativity normal, apart from the Borderline Personality Disorder ha! so I am normal, as normal can be ha!
Anyway, it was basically history repeating itself and all the red flags were there but, as I said this abnormal behaviour was very much normal to me, and therefore I'm in the land of oblivion, so out comes the box of tricks the Love-bombing, showering me with gifts and money, attention, then there was the pulling back then the coming forward, AKA Intermittent reinforcement, #Trauma Bonding, a powerful tactic to keep you on that emotional roller coaster, so at this point you don't know what you're thinking or feeling, cause there is so much confusion going on in which you develop the mind fog, and because yourself esteem has be lowered, well it just makes you a walking target for likes of Cunto Creepy!
So here I am being pursued by Captain Creepy, and Agent Of Chaos, has just done Bankrupting me again for the second time for debts that did not even exist, awarded by default because of a corrupt legal system, I will fill you in on that later! Which saw me thrown out of my home and on to the street with my three children, and wait for it here's the ironic bit, I think Captain fooking Creepy is my Knight in shining armour cause he offers me a place to stay in his house, said it was a huge house just like I had, of course I was grateful because I was now fooking homeless so who was I to turn my nose up at the offer! OMG when I got there it was like nothing I had experienced, the whole place stunk of cat piss, but there was something more concerning I know other than cat piss!
It was the holes in the walls and the doors which had been covered up with posters, I did casually mention it but he told me it was his ex wife who apparently had a terrible temper!!
I know, I can hear you all saying, wtf are you thinking! well at this point and time in my life, my thought process was somewhat fooking skewered, bearing in mind I had just come out of a 20 year marriage with another Sociopath, and right into the clutches of another maniac,"what is it with me! ha! cause I just seem to attract dysfunctional men!" I was nothing more than a easy target, because fooked up shit was the norm to me! and like a lamb to the slaughter yes I was being primed, but also unaware!, as he was in fact mirroring me! assessing, every aspect of my life, and once he had done that he lied and offered me exactly what I was in need of, a home! and of course after being bankrupt twice he could also see I was financially unstable so he offered stability! #Shelter from the storm!
"Twas in another life time, one of toil and blood when blackness was a virtue the road was full of mud.
I came in from the wilderness a creature void of form
Come in he said ill give you shelter from the storm".. Bob Dylan
Now saying that is one thing, doing it is another, because no sooner had I managed to free myself from the man who emotionally and financially bankrupt me, I was being lured into another toxic relationship, you've all seen Dirty John have you not? for those who have not, it's about a woman who meets a narcissistic sociopath on line, she briefly dates him, and before she knows it she has married him in a rather hasty marriage in Vegas! well in keeping with the story, I meet this guy on line, date him and marry him in hasty marriage in Vegas, I know, you couldn't fooking make this shit up, could you?
Well I can assure you none of its made up that's why it's such good reading!
So as I said I meet this man, let's call him ha! well, there is a lot of things I could call him! but I'll keep it relatively simple, he's, Captain Creepy!, and if you saw him you'd know why! and If you have read my book, well you will know my first husband's title was Agent of Chaos, and because I was with him for many many years, anyone that knows about the human mind/ psychology, and sociopaths, will know, that, I was completely indoctrinated, and chaos was all I knew, it was indeed my best friend and if I did not have any, well sure as shit I would find me some, or it would find me! because I was addicted to fooking chaos yes it was my drug! and what is it they say you always gravitate to what appears normal to you! and to me Captain Creepy was pretty normal!! fuck it pains me to write this, because I have had shit loads of therapy now, and am relativity normal, apart from the Borderline Personality Disorder ha! so I am normal, as normal can be ha!
Anyway, it was basically history repeating itself and all the red flags were there but, as I said this abnormal behaviour was very much normal to me, and therefore I'm in the land of oblivion, so out comes the box of tricks the Love-bombing, showering me with gifts and money, attention, then there was the pulling back then the coming forward, AKA Intermittent reinforcement, #Trauma Bonding, a powerful tactic to keep you on that emotional roller coaster, so at this point you don't know what you're thinking or feeling, cause there is so much confusion going on in which you develop the mind fog, and because yourself esteem has be lowered, well it just makes you a walking target for likes of Cunto Creepy!
So here I am being pursued by Captain Creepy, and Agent Of Chaos, has just done Bankrupting me again for the second time for debts that did not even exist, awarded by default because of a corrupt legal system, I will fill you in on that later! Which saw me thrown out of my home and on to the street with my three children, and wait for it here's the ironic bit, I think Captain fooking Creepy is my Knight in shining armour cause he offers me a place to stay in his house, said it was a huge house just like I had, of course I was grateful because I was now fooking homeless so who was I to turn my nose up at the offer! OMG when I got there it was like nothing I had experienced, the whole place stunk of cat piss, but there was something more concerning I know other than cat piss!
It was the holes in the walls and the doors which had been covered up with posters, I did casually mention it but he told me it was his ex wife who apparently had a terrible temper!!
I know, I can hear you all saying, wtf are you thinking! well at this point and time in my life, my thought process was somewhat fooking skewered, bearing in mind I had just come out of a 20 year marriage with another Sociopath, and right into the clutches of another maniac,"what is it with me! ha! cause I just seem to attract dysfunctional men!" I was nothing more than a easy target, because fooked up shit was the norm to me! and like a lamb to the slaughter yes I was being primed, but also unaware!, as he was in fact mirroring me! assessing, every aspect of my life, and once he had done that he lied and offered me exactly what I was in need of, a home! and of course after being bankrupt twice he could also see I was financially unstable so he offered stability! #Shelter from the storm!
"Twas in another life time, one of toil and blood when blackness was a virtue the road was full of mud.
I came in from the wilderness a creature void of form
Come in he said ill give you shelter from the storm".. Bob Dylan
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