"Stripper"

Prozac, Diazapam, coke, Tequila, Prozac, Diazapam, coke, Tequila..

Consume Sleep Repeat .. yeah I was on a loop that's what you do isn't it? anything to get through the day!
Mind you I don't think there's enough drugs to blank out this sick twisted fuck!

So now I'm totally at his mercy, this pains me to go back in time and write all this cause I'm in a good place now! but why the fuck could I not have seen my way out of this Insane asylum! 'at the time? I'm assuming like the last relationship I did not think I was worthy of getting out that's why!
And I know that statement applies to a lot of women trapped in abusive relationships
So with the help of my reinforced, narcotic friends I get through the day & night ha!, and yes I had thought about drugging him, anything for me to get a nights rest from him climbing all over me with his unwanted sexual advances, and then when he's finished I cry myself to sleep that's what you do isn't it! its just the norm, dysfunctional, to the outside world but normal to me I guess!, and yes I tried staying up late and not going to bed at the same time as him but he would come down stairs and drag me up like literally, so it was best I just complied besides what you resist just persists and believe you me it was futile!

So what could he possibly do next  that that was going to shock me, remember I'm pretty un-shockable but I guess Captain C is next Level! so what does he do well while he was away on his trip, Mexico I think! he takes it upon himself to get a tattoo, OMFG and not just any old tattoo, no he gets a tattoo of me! in my younger days, God knows where he got the image the mind boggles! when I used to work as a stripper sliding down a pole with my long Red Hair that was my stage name Red, Now don't judge me! as I said in my last post isolated incidents, and things from your past should not define who you are, its the present moment that counts! Right now I'm just a nutter not a stripper !ha!

And when he comes bounding through the door and reveals this tattoo I am completely at a loss for words, of course I try not to let him see what I'm thinking but even for me this is pretty fucked up! why? just why?, well we fooking no why! cause in his sick twisted mind he wanted my past to define me he wanted me to still be that stripper! so he could brag, berate & humiliate me to his friends, cause the next thing he did just proved it OMG he orders a pole from fooking amazon and erects it in his fooking living room! then he invites his other narcissistic friend's round, (birds of a feather flock together and all that shit)  and one of them came with his wife, who was very young and very pretty seemingly she was a model that was previously married to a famous actor, so god knows how he got his claws into her, and that's when he enlightened me about how he met her on #sugardaddy.Com a website for millionaires wanting to date women... and he's really vulgar about it,  but that's not the worse bit, he has these really black eyes, and a black soul to match, I actually I feel sorry for the young woman he has in his clutches, its apparent he is also abusing her, cause she hangs on his every word cause the next minute she does as he says and climbs up the pole, and exhibits, her technique, and they are all sat there drooling! then when she's done they turn to me and expect me to follow suit, are you fucking kidding me!, there is no way I'm going to climb up that pole for their entertainment, I absolutely draw the line there I thought WTAF ... I could see very clearly where this was all going, and I was not comfortable with it! so i made some excuse about having to powder my nose which got black soul mans attention because, apparently he was a big coke head, so as soon as  Captain C fucked off back to his work offshore, that pole got fucking dismantled.. and winged!! I mean seriously who the fuck has a pole in their front living room! Some times I can not believe I am writing this shit, but yes this was my life!

Writers are a lot like strippers
With each chapter & verse they write
They get more naked!
With each word they write,
They unveil a scar for the world to see

-Manu Mausum