You know Captain C was terrible with money when I first go with him he, he had a shit load of unresolved issues with the Tax man, to which I sorted, as I liaised, with all the necessary people and explained the reason he was in such a mess was because his mother had just died and he himself had just gone through a divorce to which had left him homeless, and therefore his mental health had suffered, I know always trying to save people, one of my biggest problems you would think I would learn wouldn't you? because lets face it there doesn't seem to be anyone wanting to save me is there?
Looking back though this was just another personality disorder trait money problems because people with this affliction just can not seem to manage their money, saying that they just cant seem to manage fook all, as the world in which they live is pure chaos!
But that was OK because for me, I was brought up in chaos and for me chaos was my operative word ha!
Agent of chaos was exactly the same with regards to money, even though he was a millionaire with a multi million pound cooperation he always had sheriff officers at the door for late tax returns, and all that jazz, mind you it didn't help, that the accountants and bookkeepers he employed were even more crooked than him, you have to fooking laugh really, because I got away with nothing, as in I was not allowed to have any money of my own, and there was all and freaking sundry ripping him off, to which I could never fully understand, but after much scrutiny under the microscope with regards to sociopaths, its because their outer world is so fooking chaotic, as in, out of control, that they then have this strong urge to control their internal world and that obviously came at my expense hence the reason he had me made bankrupt twice, by default for debts that did not exist, the lengths he went to so that he could control me were beyond belief.
And did I ever get a thank you for helping to sort out Captain Creepys financial shit?, hell to the no! it just meant he had more money to spend on stupid shit like weddings In Vegas, which was fast approaching, he was like a kid in a sweetie shop bouncing of the ceiling all giddy, "Blame it on his ADD" Ha! believe me it was not funny this fooker was completely off the cuff, and I was never so relieved, when his time was up and he was summoned back to the the oil rig he was working on, mind you the jobs he got called away on were never usually repeat jobs, you know what I mean they never asked him back to a job twice once was enough with this fooker,.
So anyway this time he went off skipping down the road with his nap sack on his back lol so in his absence, I decided to send in a VCR to the Big Brother auditions and guess what! they called me back well hell yeah! why wouldn't they! drama and chaos are my freaking middle name you couldn't make my shit up! So they ask me down to London for an Interview and of course Captain Creepy ain't here so I reckon it will be a walk in the park, well fook me when I touched down at Luton Airport cause obvs my phone was on radio silence, I turn the fucker on to 100 missed calls omfg but I decide to ignore him cause he's just going to upset me! you know the script narcissists ruin everything! but mentally I can not ignore him, who am I kidding! and even though I get through to the next round of the interview, I know I have self sabotaged it, because whats the point! what was I thinking, was this a stupid little diversion, to stop me thinking about my fate of having to marry him, surely it would just be easier just to kill my self! besides I was no stranger to having tried that! anyway I eventually answer his phone calls, and hes reigning down on me like God himself , screaming at me to get out of his house and that I'm nothing but a slut and whore for even contemplating going on that show! and getting into beds with strangers! "A bit of projection going on here me thinks!"
And I go back home to face the music and yes to the local authorities to declare myself homeless, but the ironic thing is the next day he calls me, and I tell him that I'm moving out! he acts like nothing as happened but its too late for me mentally! cause by now I'm just slipping away as this has triggered all my fears especially the ones of being homeless, and I can not take anymore hes managed to break me so off to the doctors I go for a script for some happy pills! to make me into the fully fledged zombie he wants!
"She was drowning but nobody saw her struggle" (Anon)
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