Sin City

Well the day of reckoning had come fook knows how I made it this far with Captain C and all his pish!
We were airport bound for Vegas Baby! yeah! I know that's how it should of read but to be honest all it did was fill me with dread!
I think its fair to say the writing was on the wall, cause he shit himself before we even got on the plane ha! like literally, you know I told you Capatain C only had a diet of Tea and toast, well he ate a curry I had made the night before and it had gone straight through him! so the jeans were whipped off and thrown in the nearest bin WTAF And then after that things went from bad to worse when we arrived at Gatwick airport he made a be line for the bar! I on the over hand went to the duty free for perfume to masque the smell of the shit! .. only joking ha! and when I met up with him about 45 mins later he was pissed! it doesn't take much! cause he doesn't eat!  but he had found himself a drinking buddy and not just any old drinking buddy, no! this was a famous actor from The game of thrown's, god knows what he must of thought of fooking numb nuts! cause you either have to be drunk or completely off your head on drugs to tolerate him ha! anyway when I arrived he was literally bouncing of the ceiling, then I had to take like a 100 pics of them together It was kind of embarrassing, I ever so was glad, when our flight was called and I bet he was too! ha!
When we got on the plane he was acting weird, even more weird than normal and he keeps asking the steward for more alcohol, I just wish he would go to sleep, I want to knock the little bitch out OMG!
And then out of nowhere, he turns to me and says "in the fooking toilet now" eh! No! then he replies with "well I know your a member of the mile high club so, you better fooking perform for me!" my heart just sank a little more, I mean it was literally hanging there by a thread but It was now making its way out of my body!
I in turn replied " maybe so, but that was when I flew in first class and things were a little more discreet, there are far more people in economy and I think they would be bashing down the door to use the loo if you decide to stick the engaged sign on WTAF" ... and that's when it got really really nasty, you better fooking deliver bitch or else, then he grabbed me by my hair then my neck, which really hurt, so in my reluctance I relieved him with a hand job, I know I'm throwing up in my mouth as I write this, then as soon as I finished he passed out! and I cried all the way to Vegas! who the fook does that? that's some seriously fooked up shit is it not?
So when we arrive at our hotel The Flamingo, built by the notorious gangster Bugsy Sigel I'm like holy shit this must be the shabbiest hotel on the strip, I think by all accounts it was the oldest and seemingly the first hotel to be built there,  you can smell the drugs wafting under the bedroom doors and swear Sigels blood was still the carpets....gawd's!
we had been there a couple of days, he never mentioned the aeroplane incident and neither did I, so I just kept myself busy trying to arrange for the this so called sham of a wedding you know prior to coming I had got so smashed one night and called a friend of mine and kept saying I did not want to marry him!, so why was I there subjecting myself to this fooking torture?
So of course while I was there I wanted to do things like go to shows, shopping a bit of gambling, as I love the roulette table, and I swear to fook all this sick twisted wacko fook wanted to do was go to the public bar in the hotel that overlooked the strip and watch the the crystal meth addicts, I mean the first night was relatively Ok cause you did not go there purposely looking for them, and it was a bizarre experience but, this fooker wanted to go every night because he found it entertaining, I on the other-hand just found it very sad! that just lets you see what kind of narcissistic twisted little fook Captain C was! getting off on other peoples misfortune.
He didn't want to do anything normal like sit at the pool and have cocktails, or eat! I mean WTAF, eat! what is that to the likes of him, cause he never ate! it just wasn't normal, I remember one particular day I was so hungry I cried because he never once enquired to whether I was hungry or not! and I did not like to say!  he just never felt hungry #ADHD pity he did not have the same appetite for sex as he did food, because there was nothing wrong with his sexual appetite fooking preying mantas..
So a few days into the trip was our actual wedding, OMG  obviously I have to cast my mind back as I write this but no I remember it like it was yesterday, I had gone down to the lobby to get my hair and makeup done as you would, and I was gone a few hours of course. the messages are coming thick and fast then the phone-calls, please give me some fooking peace please! but that ain't happening cause Mr hyperactivity has taken it upon himself to neck a bottle of tequila, and when I do eventually make it back to the room WTAF he's bouncing off the ceiling, bashing into everything and slurring his words, and ranting about the time I took and nasty with it!
I still cant believe I'm going through with this, more fool me as I slip on my understated black versace dress and laboutin heels, what was he wearing? I hear you ask! where do I start Black jeans with a garish country and western belt, a garish country and western shirt and matching garish cowboy boots because he thought he emulated Elvis and Johnny Cash!  I'm trying not to choke here dear oh! dear!  when our Limo arrived he was seven sheets to the wind and I just wished I was Gone with the wind ha! ha!
But no it was not meant to be for my decent into hell was to continue, we arrived at the wedding chapel where our Elvis impersonator, awaited us and so the ceremony commenced, and you have never seen anything like this in your fooking life In fact I think you can watch the wedding ceremony as its still up on You tube and let me tell you this you do not need to be a body language expert to see that I did not want to marry him!, it was like I had been taken against my will, as I am as rigid as fook he on the other hand is very pliable, as he is full of tequilla and bouncing around like freaking skippy the bush kangaroo! Please god please let the ground open up and swallow me! nope not happening!, so after the curtain had come down on his one man show oh! yeah I might as well of not been there, we went to the Top of the world revolving restaurant which I had booked, because getting married should leave you feeling like your on top of the world, are you fooking kidding me! Oysters, Lobster and champagne now this I was looking forward too, nope not happening all Captain C did was nothing but moan, "who eats this shit come on lets go! In fact lets go back to the bar at the hotel and watch the meth addicts"  WTAF  we are in fooking Vegas we can do anything we want and this cunt thinks hes a extra for Breaking Bad, as all he wants to do is watch meth addicts! I have no words!
So back to the hotel, we go, were we have a couple of drinks and that's when I mention I'm tired so we retire for the evening and go back to the room and do you know what I think he actually passed out, thank fook there is a God after all! great end to a shitty day ha!

Vegas means comedy, tragedy happiness, and sadness,
All at the same time..

(Artie Lange)