"Don't Judge Me"

You know sometimes, it's hard to shed bad past behaviours, as people can be such cunts's getting all fxcking judgie with you like there in any freaking position to do so but they do!, they think God had died and  all of a sudden, they are the God of judging the world and his dog!
I kid you not, you must have met them! well I sure as shit did along the way, and when they did that, I would go out of my way to shock them even more ha! ha!#BPD

I mean take the title of my book Bankrupt Coked Up & Fxcked Up I even got judged for that too, and a lot of magazines and papers, did not want to advertise my work  and people I knew where like "Oh! my goodness me that's terrible language" "No I don't want to read your book that's just not my cup of tea" that one came out of the mouth of an alcoholic, if you don't mind  I in return said "domestic abuse and mental health is nobodies fooking cup of tea love," but since neat vodka is your choice of drink why are you masquerading behind fooking cups of tea!" what's wrong with people? its's just a pity people with closed minds didn't have closed freaking mouths!



Then I had one woman that bought the book and obviously read it then wanted to judge me!, I shall digress ha! she didn't come right and say it but she had offered to, to do a feature on it in her so called newspaper she edits but then all of a sudden she kinda just forgets to return my calls, fair enough I thought who needs to be around bad energy like that anyway, so she is put to the back of my mind and forgotten about until she turns up at some venue, and shes on the committee there, mind you I think she's on every fooking committee, that was ever invented! you know the type, well I am at an event there, with a bunch of girlfriends, and one girl in particular, asked me to go out side with her while she had a smoke, and i agreed I'm not really a smoker but have been known to if I have had a drink, so she lit up a cigarette, and we both shared it, while we both shot the breeze, as by now we were both a little tipsy, ha! so, I go back inside she goes to the toilet and never returns, next minute I'm getting a tap on the shoulder from security, and then I am asked to leave, obviously I am in total shock, and want to know why! so I see woman on every committee in the foyer and ask her, wot's going on/ she says "you were seen at the front door smoking a joint" WTAF....  I was seen! as you can imagine I was furious, but did not want to make a scene so I marched home in my 6 inch heels blisters all over my feet it's OK us BPD'S have a high pain fresh hold just as well eh!

And of course I am fooking livid! so I messaged committee woman, and gave her it, both barrels, So  I'm thinking you read my book, did you? so you just assume I'm this crazy drug taking maniac, do you! how dare you fooking judge me!
You! that's on every fooking committee skimming the cream off the top for self gain, you! that would drop her knickers in the blink of an eye to any man that gave you a second glance! how dare you judge me! I was furious, and embarrassed, and hurt! this was an event with a couple of hundred people and I am shown the door! ushered out by security
So she come back with  "well it was just what I heard, and besides the girl you was with, had to be rushed to hospital, and by all accounts she has drugs in her system, drugs that don't show up, some kind of hallucinogenics" OMFG is she dumb as well as stupid! can you believe this! "and how do you know this? I replied she came back with I was told! For the love of Fxck she was told! lets add ignorant to the list too! she was told! she was told! we were smoking drugs and believed it! and now she is told! the girl in question is full off drugs, but they are the ones that don't show up! somebody kill me now please, and to think this woman used to be in fooking politics, no wonder the world is in such a fooking state! So after a lot of back and forth messaging, I tell her to Fxck off! and never darken my door way again! as for Hallucinogenic girl! they did do a drugs test, when she finally got to hospital, which of course came back clear! and it turned out she just had a funny turn as she was recovering from some underlying illness she previously had!

Oh! yeah,  Committee woman, you of course want to know what happened to her don't you? well I did what I do best and wrote a snot-o-gramme for her and her committee members saying I was going to take legal action against them for defamation of character, and they were shitting themselves of course, they in turn deflect and replied with take it up with the security company! talk about passing the buck, well of course I did, and I'm still waiting to hear back from them ha! when in doubt just ignore! you cant run around saying people are taking drugs because some one say's so! I told them courts do no want evidence based on hear say! Imagine having them on a fooking grand jury, for murder and your innocent, and they are giving it large and saying shit like, " well Joe Bloggs said you did it, therefore you have to be guilty!" and that's why stupid people are fooking dangerous!

I took great offence to that because I have been sober for nearly two years now, and I have this bitch up in my grill stating over wise, on fooking hearsay! I think its fair to say she has not been heard of since and no I have not had her bumped off what kind of people do you think I associate with ha!

In a sense though I'm kinda glad that happened, because having BPD I struggle with boundaries, because I never really had any growing up, so I guess that was me asserting mine, and saying your not getting to judge me! you! yes you! up there on the moral fooking high ground, which lead's me to another little episode ha! involving another woman who I thought was my friend, well you know what thought did it killed the cat and ate the rat, this so called friend moved in across the road from my house, because she had split up with her husband, and she was taking it really bad, or so I thought but it turned out she would split up with him every six months, so it was nothing out of the norm! so I do what I do best and I run to save her! letting her dogs out to toilet while she's at work, cooking for her, being a shoulder for her to lean on emotionally and getting nothing in return, because she always to pissed out of her face to be fully compos mentis, so I lose my shit give her some home truth's to which were not very welcome. OMG "you were so frighting! why are you so angry whats wrong with you!" yep just generally deflecting her bad fooking behaviour on to me! un fooking believable, I am the nutter! I am the unhinged! one, that screams obscenities but, I am not the one that made it on to the front pages of all the national newspapers for trying to stab my husband yep! that's why they were split up, so don't be fooking character assassinating me girl! So of course I had to with draw from the relationship yes the one sided relationship which seen me doing all the giving and her, all the taking and I knew, there and then I was indeed making progress with my healing. I know all of the above are all pretty shitty incidents but I'm a great believer, in there is always a darkness before a dawn, I think that's when you know things are going to improve, its almost like the universe is shaking up the bad energy and getting ready to clear the way for the good stuff !

So you see at the end of the day, I don't care if some one is an alcoholic, good God no! I think people with addictions are the most colourful people there are, and I don't care if your skimming money of the top of every fooking committee there is, it's not like I'm whiter than white, or if your thing is dropping your knickers to all and sundry, personally it's not for me, cause I have a thing with intimacy then there's all the scares I have had with STD'S but hey you go girl, and I'm not going to judge you if you brandish a knife at your husband hell no, there's always two sides to every story # reactive abuse, but, and here's the but I will have a problem with you,  if you judge me without taking a good long hard look at your fooking yourself first, cause that's a real deal breaker for me! 

JUDGING A PERSON DOES NOT DEFINE
WHO THEY ARE
IT DEFINES WHO YOU ARE!

# BE KIND!