"Relationships"

I have Never been very good at relationships, It's not for the want of trying Fook me I've been married three times, so it's not like no one wants me, it just seems I attract men that are toxic and want to control me! So it always end in disaster, and I have to like like literally, run away from them or get a restraining order ha!

 I guess my friendships were the same as well cause nobody seemed to understand me! saying that I was really friendly with one girl around the time I was with Captain Creepy, but it was like the relationship Rebecca has with Paula In my crazy ex girlfriend! where she was just on board so that she could get her daily dose of drama! fxcked up dynamic I know, but I tend to attract people of that elk, of course that relationship did not end well either because, I called her son a little cxnt, and no it was not in an aggressive way, cause as you know, that's how I speak as I have a potty mouth, what happened was she and her son came to visit me and my son one weekend, and her son pissed off all the boys in the street we were living on, and they all chased her son and mine, the thing is my son is not street wise, he never goes outside, and he cant run very fast as he has autism/dyspraxia, her son on the other hand is street wise, gobby, and athletic which led my son to become the target as it was him they caught, and then terrified the living daylights out of him, that's when I called him the expletive in a reactive manner, well fook me you would of thought she and her son were the victims!, "my son does not know what that word Is omg, he is going to be traumatised for the rest of his life" talk about fooking deflecting their ghetto behaviour!, and of course my son's real trauma! was forgotten about, because she made such a big song and dance about what I said! to which I felt so bad I could not stop apologising, when in fact it should of been her doing the apologising, for coming to our home, upsetting our neighbours, my son and myself then demanding a fooking apology!, well as you can imagine, I stone-walled her, saying that I should of done it long before, as the writing was on the wall as she was slowing morphing into me, same hair colour, same clothes, same car, same choice of drugs ha! the list was endless, its's a complement to start with but after a while it becomes weird, the ironic thing was, I was the one struggling with self identity, so wots her excuse, It didn't stop there either, cause once I had stone walled her, she befriended my daughter! #Single white Female ...saying that it's not the first time, some one has morphed into me, when I was with Agent of chaos living in the middle east we had a Philippine maid that started dying her hair blonde, bleaching her skin white and wearing the same kind of clothes as me! she was really pissed off when I bought her a uniform, yeah! cause that was the beginning of the end, as she ran of with one of Agent Of Chao's gullible friends, she told him she needed money for a boob job, to be just like me!, turn's out it was for her and her boyfriend to buy a bar back in the Philippines, but the scam didn't end there, no cause gullible man, went to see her in the Philippines  and she and her boyfriend drugged him and stole all his money from his bank account oh! my! days!, I do attract them! but I am slowly ridding myself of negative/ toxic people so lesson learned and #note to self do not apologise to dumb fooks that are in the wrong! ha! In-fact don't get involved with dumb fucks cause it makes you look like a dumb fook! ha!

As for my relationships with men they were just as bad, fook me, I think I've been on one date in about three years and that wasn't a good experience either, So here's the story my mother seen an advert in the local newspaper, and she told me I should apply to which I did glass have full, nope that's wrong, glass pretty much fooking empty, attitude!, anyhoo, I wrote off and sent a pic of myself, and he calls me! nosy fooker he wanted to know everything about me, but not willing to tell you about himself, cant be arsed with that shit as you know I'm an open book ha!#BPD #oversharing
So I did a bit of investigating myself, well it turns out he's been married about four times and each time all his marriages has ended with his wives dying!
It was all well documented, he had even been on the news at ten, because one of the deaths had resulted in a big pay out like fooking huge, like millions, in fact there had been pay outs on all the deaths, I know eh! most people would of ran for the hills nah not me! it just made me even more curious ha! ha! ha! So I went along on the date thinking he was going to at least tell me all the gory details duh! not happening, he was very much a closed book well I suppose you would be if everyone around you kept dying, ha! and you kept getting shit loads off money! So I thought omg wot the fook am I doing here! on this date, I don't remotely fancy him, even though he has designs on me, cause he takes me for a walk outside after our meal and keeps stopping every few minutes to kiss me ew! gross, and this is making me some what fooking awkward! and he didn't seem to be getting the message! and I was getting madder and madder, because it was a summers night and the humidity was insane and my hair was now like a fooking frizz-ball, #poor self image! so I started spiralling and the shit started  coming out of my mouth! and it was all was next level, I told him about my ex husband and all the abuse he asked "where is he now?" I said "well after the gun incident he fled the country and of course is a fugitive, as the police are looking for him," I could see him turning a rather grey colour ,ha! "I'm not so much bothered about that husband though because he's out of the county its the one that does not live that far from here, he's the real concern, saying that I think it should be OK as I have a restraining order on him" well fook he's now turned white no colour at all! ha!  I just couldn't help myself how dare he try and kiss me huh! and how dare he frizz up my newly blow dried hair, of course after that he took to his heels and ran! ha! I did have a good old laugh all the way home! and as you can imagine I never heard from him again, but I justified my behaviour with, it was OK when all his wives were dying off all over the place but as soon as he thought his life was in some kind of jeopardy by being associated to the likes of me he ran like the little bitch that he is!(or maybe he just thought I was fooking crazy ha!) Oh me! I don't think, that was really the dynamics, I just think I was triggered and I felt the need to push him away as that's wot I do, cause pretty much after that incident I went almost recluse and I knew I was going inwards but couldn't stop it! and have not bothered with a man since don't get me wrong there have been men interested but I always cut and run, you see I don't know what a healthy relationship looks like, and with my past record its's made me a little cautious and very suspicious, cause every time I fall in love it equates to pain, then of course the walls rise and every one gets kicked to the kerb or in lay mans terms pushed away     

I think its fair to say I'm gonna break the balls of any man that tries to get close to me, why I do believe it will take a very very special person to tear down all the brick walls that I have spent years putting up!


MAYBE I'M JUST TOO FUCKING COMPLICATED
FOR ANYONE TO
LOVE!

- ANON