Bankrupt Coked Up And Fxxked Up

Before I go full pelt into my next post, I have had feed back from some of my critics, which is all good as I am open to some constructive criticism as it helps you grow as a person doesn't it? Well apparently, it was brought to my attention in my last post that I did not mention Captain Creepy was indeed, an Apollo Astronaut who worked for NASA, there I have said it now, I mean How could I forget something as big as that, Fxck me it was in plain sight for everyone to see as he added it to all his profiles! WTAF! I also want to add, I was all so critiqued for using the word fook by my daughter, I thought here we go she hates my sentence enhancers as I call them, probably cause she Is at law School and training to be a lawyer, but no that was not the case she said I should just use the word FUCK  as it was more me #DIRECT! I suppose she does have a point... there is no point sugar coating it is there ha! so Fuck it is!... So what does everyone think of this George Floyd protes...

I suppose the world of a narcissist, would be a bit like a parallel dimension, hypothetically existing inside their own head, you know a bit like Alice in fooking wonderland! where she enter's a strange and unpredictable fantasy world after falling through a Rabbit hole, then encounters, the Hookah smoking caterpillar, the Duchess with a baby that becomes a pig, the Cheshire Cat, and last but least the March Hare and the Mad Hatter, well let me tell you this, living with Captain Creepy was like attending one of the strange, tea parties that never fooking ended! But unlike Alice I did not, and could not wake up from this fooking Dream, it was very much a reality for me, as I was living along side my very own MAD HATTER! Because when It came to Captain Creepy he sure did live in a fooking wonderland , and the shit that came out of his mouth, you would not believe! I remember when I first started seeing him, and he came to my home one evening, and my elderly mother lived ...

Oh! I forgot to mention my case, regarding my fraudulent bankruptcies has has been handed to, the judicial investigating team wow! that has to mean something eh! It would make a great ending for my book if justice were to be served once and for all, Oh! yeah!, and I could get the press that wrote untruths about me to recant their fooking maky on story! Believe me I have tried several time's but I just coming up against brick fooking walls damn! it's so frustrating, when you know your innocent of the things they accused me off! it's like trying to overturn anything legally binding like a court ruling they just fooking hate doing that shit, because they have to fooking admit they got it all all wrong in the first place and god forbid they have to do that , will there freaking egos's ever allow it? as i said previously we do not have a fooked up system we have fooked up people running the system! But on the plus side I just finished watching that documentary on Jeff Eps...

I've been on a few forums in my time, one for divorce a few for domestic abuse and a couple for borderline personalty disorder and I have to say my experience on them was rather unhealthy! I remember, and this is going back a fair few years with regards to the Divorce one, the woman that fooking ran the page annihilated me for using capital letters!  I mean WTAF! who even does that? you go onto these pages as your looking for some kind of answers but more often than not, you just leave pissed off well I did ha! anyway there were not a lot of people divorcing sociopaths so your a fooking minority from the get go aren't you! Then there was one for domestic abuse, fooking hell, yet again, there was one particular woman who would comment on every bodies posts, and it really got on my tits, as she was not even an admin, and when I asked her about her back drop story, it turns out she had not really been abused at all, she just liked to know every bodies else's stories so s...

What is projection? good question, well psychologically speaking it is a defence, mechanism,used to deflect unacceptable behaviour's found in ourselves, on to another person, people do this because rather than facing up to their failings as a human being, they find it far easier to discard, any such feelings, and look for the nearest fooking idiot to suck them up for them, a bit like a whipping boy! (a person who is blamed or punished for the faults of other's! Now the reason I felt compelled to write about this is because it has been brought to my attention that some one I mentioned in one of my blogs, no names of course, has been writing cryptic messages on social media, to the tune of "Verity! stop projecting . Karma will still get the right person" ha! Out of the mouth of my narcissistic, old school friend, remember I wrote about her bullying me throughout my school days and then into early adulthood and then if that was not bad enough she turned her attentio...

Hey Guys this is one of the reasons I have not wrote for a days as I have been busy with other pressing engagements, as you know I was awarded some compensation for the abuse I endured, so I was calling round a few solicitors offices asking for some advice, about six in total and just by chance I came across, a solicitor who was actually on the the committee for no other that dirty fucking, bent solicitor who along with my dirty fooking low life ex husband Agent Of Chaos had me fraudulently Bankrupt! The Solicitor in question told me that they had set up a committee for all the people he had ripped off and he sat on it!, and I explained that I had lost nearly a million pounds of property because of this fooking snake! and he told me to fill out a form for compensation, so that's what I have been busy doing! I did explain it was a few years ago and it would probably be time barred as that's the favourite fooking punch line they pull, and he said well if you have a reasonable e...

Who say's nothing happens on lock down, whilst a pandemic is going on! not in  my case, there is always something happening!  ha! but I guess this was something good for once, well its's kinda bitter sweet I guess, So as you know, having been abused for over twenty years by two men as you know as Agent of Chaos & Captain Creepy, there was nothing surer that I was going to make a claim for Personal Injuries, and low and behold three years on I get a letter finally in the post, with a settlement offer, and of course I was delighted but it was not so much about the money, but because my voice had finally been heard, saying that it was only for the abuse with Captain Creepy, because he had sexually assaulted me, the jury is still out on the Agent of Chaos abuse which is fooking ironic because he reign of terror went on for twenty years. But, I am happy with the outcome for now! as it validates that this man was indeed a real predator, that should come with a fooking health w...

You know once a Person with BPD Is upset, it's almost impossible to calm them down like a rational person, and the things that will come out of there mouth, will cut you to the very core, I even frighten myself sometimes! and don't get me going about their their actions as they are very unpredictable and sometimes very dangerous, resulting in turmoil and chaos in their relationships with other people. Saying that as time as gone on I am getting better at keeping my shit together, kinda! it could possibly be the mediation, that's helping as its deffo not the drugs as I'm not on any, and I do feel that I'm not spiralling, the same as I used to, and I can say that by the amount of casualties ha! Supermarket girl, she did piss me off when every time I tied to get passed her she planted herself in the middle of every fooking isle with her phone strapped to her freaking ear, then when I got to the checkout she so happened to be in front of me still on the phone and...

I have Never been very good at relationships, It's not for the want of trying Fook me I've been married three times, so it's not like no one wants me, it just seems I attract men that are toxic and want to control me! So it always end in disaster, and I have to like like literally, run away from them or get a restraining order ha!  I guess my friendships were the same as well cause nobody seemed to understand me! saying that I was really friendly with one girl around the time I was with Captain Creepy, but it was like the relationship Rebecca has with Paula In my crazy ex girlfriend! where she was just on board so that she could get her daily dose of drama! fxcked up dynamic I know, but I tend to attract people of that elk, of course that relationship did not end well either because, I called her son a little cxnt, and no it was not in an aggressive way, cause as you know, that's how I speak as I have a potty mouth, what happened was she and her son came to visit me...

Disassociation Is the minds way of helping you cope with too much stress, and traumatic events, when this happens you will be disconnected from your thoughts, surroundings, memories, feelings, it affects your sense of identity, and your perception of time. Some symptoms are as follows... #Amnesia/memory loss, # Identity confusion/no sense of oneself. #Derealisation disconnected from everyone and every thing #Depersonalisation  disconnected from your own body.... This leads me to many events that have happened throughout my life ha! ha! I kid you not I can't even remember half the fuxcked up shit or the drugs that I did, along the way, saying that some of it is coming back to me in pieces, you see the thing is with dissociation, is it's like watching your life as if it was all being played out in a movie, and your on the outside looking in, very hallucinogenic! like a bad trip well in my case it was ...... As I said I have been sober for  over three years now, and I ...

You know sometimes, it's hard to shed bad past behaviours, as people can be such cunts's getting all fxcking judgie with you like there in any freaking position to do so but they do!, they think God had died and  all of a sudden, they are the God of judging the world and his dog! I kid you not, you must have met them! well I sure as shit did along the way, and when they did that, I would go out of my way to shock them even more ha! ha!#BPD I mean take the title of my book Bankrupt Coked Up & Fxcked Up I even got judged for that too, and a lot of magazines and papers, did not want to advertise my work  and people I knew where like "Oh! my goodness me that's terrible language" "No I don't want to read your book that's just not my cup of tea" that one came out of the mouth of an alcoholic, if you don't mind  I in return said "domestic abuse and mental health is nobodies fooking cup of tea love," but since neat vodka is your ch...

There's a war inside my head sometimes I wish that I was dead, I'm broken So I call the therapist she said, "Girl you can't be fixed just take this" I'm tired of trying to be normal I'm always overthinking I'm driving myself crazy So what if I'm fxcking crazy I don't need your quick-fix I don't want your prescriptions Just cause you say I'm crazy So wot if I'm fxcking crazy" Loco, maniac, sick bitch, psychopath, Yeah I'm gonna show you I'm gonna show you! Mental out of my brain, bad shit go insane Yeah I'm gonna show you! I'm gonna show you! I've been searching city streets, trying to find the missing piece like you said! And I say child don't need to find There's not a single thing that's wrong with my mind! I'm tired of trying to be normal I'm always overthinking I'm driving myself crazy So what if I'm fxcking crazzzzzzzy - Bebe Rexha When y...

I was going to make this an uplifting post as I was doing so well with my healing, but its just a funny old time especially with this pandemic that we are all subject to! I mean don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty insular kind a person these days anyway, what with living with my autistic younger son who, does not mix well with people due to his high levels of anxiety, and the fact that I myself, have retreated from the world in an attempt to work on my recovery, so Lock-down, In my house is not the new normal because it is fooking normal ha! So while everyone was running about terrified about catching the virus, I was shitting myself about another Virus, Yep, I heard it from my oldest son, Agent of Chaos is on the vulnerable list, hell yeah! he's only gone and got himself Hepatitis B, rife amongst prostitutes, now I cant imagine how he could of contracted that could you! But here's the thing Have I fooking got it? because it wouldn't be the first time, this dirty ...