Any hoo, I've touched down, in uncharted territory fook knows wot awaits.....
just a taxi and a driver by all accounts, there is no sign of Agent of Chaos, or my son so we go on a 25 min taxi run and eventually we turn up at some mad bar where Agent of chaos and my son are hanging out with his bottom feeder mates, well I don't want to go to a rowdy bar with my youngest son so I ask my elder son to take us to where we are staying, holly shit! when I walk into this apartment it is like nothing I have seen in my life and there is not even a sheet on any of the beds!
wtaf! all the mattresses look like they should all been turfed out or set on fire!, fucking hell! what the hell happened? how could he go from his millionaire lifestyle to this?
I did wonder if he had done this purposely though to make it look like he had no money, because lets face it he did run of with my 3.5 million divorce settlement, and why was he even there? because last thing I knew was he was living in a huge villa by the sea with his own restaurant and bar ... and had just married a Russian prostitute and had a couple of kids with her...what can I say he's a classy mother fucker loool! that's why I find him so irresistible, ha!
When he did arrive home later that night, and no he didn't rush on my account, he just rolled in freaking intoxicated and kinda passed out ha!
So when morning arrived, I was desperate to get out of that shit hole of an apartment, and go to the beach, as it was a bit depressing ha! Agent of chaos didn't really want to come it was not his thing, besides he was nursing the mother of all hangovers, so I took the two boys, he did turn up later, and sat at the beach bar knocking back drink for drink, and if I'm honest I had a few drinks myself well cocktails, I guess you could call it escapism, I suppose the more drinks you have, or the more drugs you take! you can certainly escape from anything momentarily, because lets face it the same shit is still there when you sober up!
And do you know what, I was actually enjoying myself the sun was, beating down on my skin, sea breeze on my face, pina colada in one hand, and for a moment not a care in the world, I was a million miles away from Capatain C and all the shit that came with him, the police the courts my homelessness, fooking everything!, there was a God after all!I Know what your thinking, and I was thinking it too, this could not possibly last, and you would be dead right because it didn't, I think it was about day two we are down at the beach bar, laughing and joking and making merry and a couple of Captain Cs underbelly mates turn up, one of them is making eyes at me, giving me attention! then he turns to me and says "do you smoke" and being a little tipsy I say "only after sex" it was a joke! well fook me Agent of chaos lost his shit, he was calling me a slut and a whore and more or less saying I really should not be in a bar where men are! then my two sons turned up, and he was telling them I was making a fool of myself ...I was so humiliated to say the least, and of course it was a huge trigger for me because it just reminded me of the years I spent with him were I was like freaking Rapunzel in the tower and made to stay at home all the time as I was never allowed go out to or socialise, I have to laugh Corona Virus fook me! I spent over 20 years in fooking isolation with that mother fooker because he never wanted me in his circle, because he was always up to no good and god for bid I was to catch him out! ... "so you stay at home home like a good little wifey it's only sluts and whores that go to bars" Its a weird scenario when you analyse it, because Agent of chao's relationships with women is fooked up!, I mean I was stripper when we got together, and then he met his last wife while she was working as a prostitute, so he certainly has a type ha! I know sociopaths see people as objects so I'm thinking, he takes these attractive women that other men admire and makes them his trophies, that's all we were nothing more nothing less, just there to be objectified, because there was never any proper love, affection, or emotions in our relationship non at all, and if there was you knew it was just mimicked.
So after being completely humiliated I ran all the way back to the apartment, and there I was all alone again, and it just took me back to the old day and of course the memories of being Isolated ...
The following day he of course makes me feel terrible yet again, saying things like "that was not appropriate talk for a woman"omg! let it go will you! so we all go out for lunch and the two boys disappear to play games and we are left talking and of course he is curious about my relationship with Captain C, I of course tell him all the abuse he subjected me too, and mention how he was sexually abusive towards me and from where I was sitting he was kinda getting off on it, and he liked the fact he was making me feel uncomfortable, as he wanted all the details, and he never once flinched he is defo one sick mofo... And then of course I ask him about his Russian wife he married, and he just said she was a psycho and told me how she attacked him with a snooker cue after he had to lock her in the bedroom because she kept drinking all the profits from his bar, and when she could no longer get any alcohol she took to drinking his aftershave, and that's why he said he was living in that shabby apartment because the law was after him, regarding that situation, and there was a warrant out for his arrest ha! pattern emerging here ha! and of course he was on the run WTAF! then he went on to say she was completely unhinged and had tried to kill herself several times! "No shit fooker, don't you know this is the effect you have on all women!, you make them want to kill themselves"
The wife before me tried to kill herself, the one before that is dead by all accounts! I tried to kill myself and now this latest edition to his wives club, has tried to kill herself cant you see a pattern emerging you sick cunt!, no I never said that but I wanted to! And something else I always wondered about with you fooking sociopaths why so may kids? to so many women? I mean you have about 10 altogether, but fook me you don't particularly like kids, and then of course I did my research and its because of the control that comes with these women having your kids, you get to control them for the rest of their lives don't you! WOW just WOW!
It was wasn't all bad though, I did get to see my eldest son, but I must say he looked as miserable as hell though, and was really overweight, probably using food as an emotional crutch, I know that feeling, only to well it comes with having Agent of Chaos using you as source of supply until your dead behind the eyes, the lights are on but nobodies in syndrome, because you have had the God damn life sucked out of you! I did try and persuade him to come back to the UK and he said he would, but he was waiting on his father to come back too!
I was thinking to myself, well that wont be happening any time soon cause there is a warrant out for his arrest and he wouldn't want that now would he! But of course my lips were sealed, mind you they were not sealed for long because, It was not to long before the dynamics changed again and Agent Of chaos was testing the water's with me to see if he could possibly come home, as he was saying things like, "wouldn't it be great if I came back to the UK and we could all be one big happy family again" and I was like "well how is that possible?" and he replied "well you could go to your lawyer and ask them to get the charges dropped against me" and I was like "well I could" and he was on it like a car bonnet and said "great lets do it then!" before I could even draw breath, I fooking new he was up to no good and now his ulterior motive is revealed ... and before I knew it I was being swept away with him hook line and sinker, he even had me feeling sorry for him, I mean he didn't want to take me out to socialise but he took me to his doctor where she told me he was very ill, having suffered a stroke and he needed to stop drinking and smoking or he would kill himself, yeah! I was to be privy to that because, he could use that to control me because I obviously felt sorry for him more manipulation, because he said he wanted to go home in case he were to die! so lets just say I left him to go home feeling like I had to save him OMG I had been fooking played again, and whats more he even managed to get me into bed too How stupid could I have been.....
SOCIOPATHS DO NOT CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE,
AND DO NOT MISS THEM WHEN THEY ARE ALIENATED
OR GONE.
EXCEPT AS ONE MIGHT REGRET THE ABSENCE OF A USEFUL
APPLIANCE, THAT ONE HAS SOMEHOW LOST.
- MARTHA STOUT
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